Face Of Addiction
by chibijem
Summary: Tomomasa has doubts after a battle injury results in an addiction...


The Face of Addiction

By

Chibijem

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters herein and am making no financial gain from this work of fiction.

Started August 2008

Completed August 2009

Edited December 2105

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"I HATE YOU!" Tachibana no Tomomasa screamed at his friend, partner and lover. Everyone in the room gasped. "I hate you," the general replied, his chest heaving, his hair a tangled mess.

Fujiwara no Takamichi, at whom the words had been directed, raised gentle hands and cupped the elder Byakko's face. "Right now you do, but that is only the drug speaking. Aishiteru, Tomomasa. I will not leave you to bear this malady alone." He finished, resting his lips against his lover's sweat covered forehead. He made to pull Tomomasa into his arms and after a brief struggle, was satisfied when Tomomasa collapsed into his welcoming arms. "Aishiteru," he repeated, stroking the broad back.

Less than an hour later, everyone gathered in the Tachibana estate's main common room. They all had concerned looks on their faces from Fuji-hime to Inori; they were all concerned about the eldest Hachiyo. Akane, the Ryuujin no Miko, turned to the elderly physician. "What else can we do, Sensei?"

"Tomomasa-sama will require close monitoring. The effects of the drug are severe when the patient stops taking it and the body will crave it. This is happening as we speak."

"How was this drug introduced here?" Yorihisa asked, running a calming hand down the miko's back.

"I have done some questioning and found that there was a mysterious healer assisting with the wounded after the last battle which Tomomasa fought. It seems he is the one who brought it. I have sent some inquiries to the other side and they are having similar troubles…."

"What is it you are not telling us?" Shimon asked, worry in his troubled blue eyes.

"Most of the soldiers who became obsessed with this concoction have died from it. It seems their hearts could not withstand the strain of withdrawal," he sighed and looked at each person. "Now you see the reason for keeping Tomomasa-sama as calm as possible."

"But he's so strong," Inori said in a tight voice.

At this the doctor turned to Yorihisa and Yasuaki, "You have heard of the one called Kuro Akuma, ne?" When the two men nodded, he just nodded to convey his message.

"You mean he's dead?!" Yorihisa's voice held astonishment. "But how? Are you saying this medication caused his death?"

"Exactly. The body and mind begin to crave what the drug brings to the person. I have heard that it can make one feel at peace and happy even when you should not feel that way. The man or woman taking it starts to crave these feelings and takes the preparation to keep feeling happy. That is what is deadly about this."

"Addiction." Tenma said with disgust.

"Is there anything else we can do, Sensei?" Akane asked, worry plain in her voice.

"Just keep close, keep him as calm as possible. If his condition deteriorates, call for me." He rose, knowing of the close relationship between the general and the vice minister, laid a comforting hand on Takamichi's shoulder in passing. "He is strong," and with those words left the group to their thoughts.

"I will take the first shift sitting with Tomomasa-dono," Eisen said, getting to his feet.

"I will venture into the city to see if I can find any more information." Inori jumped up. "Don't worry," he said to Akane and Takamichi. "Tomomasa is a strong man, he'll be fine." He gave them his characteristic smile and left.

Akane turned into Yorihisa and laid her head against his strong shoulder, "He will be fine, ne?" She asked softly.

The tall, blue haired samurai wrapped his arms around her, "I have never known Tomomasa-dono to lose at anything." He assured her even as his purple eyes held worry. "I will visit the army offices to see what I can find concerning this mysterious healer."

After the group disbanded, everyone taking on various assignments in order to find any information that would help their eldest member, Takamichi closed his eyes, shoulders slumping with fatigue, worry and sadness. He felt a tiny hand rest on his shoulder where he sat; "I do not know what to do," his voice forlorn.

"Be there for him as you always are," the Ryuujin no Miko said. "He will need you at his side to overcome this addiction, he will need all of us. We all need to be strong."

"If I had only been more aware of what was happening to him….I could have…."

"Iie, addiction is a deceitful thing, Takamichi-san. It makes people do things they would not ordinarily do." Akane replied sitting next to him. "The drug causes this and the craving of it makes it worse. Addiction makes even the strongest do things to get what they think they need."

"When he came back from that last battle, I could see something in him had changed. It was not as pronounced as it is now, but it was there. I should have questioned him more thoroughly then, or later when I could see it worsening in him."

"Takamichi-san, blaming yourself will not solve matters!" Akane moved to sit in front of the vice minister. She laid slender hands against his wet cheeks. "He will come through this as he has so many other battles. Have you so little faith in him or yourself?"

The young court official took a deep breath, mulling over the miko's words. "You are quite correct, Miko-dono. I shall think positively." He returned with a small smile but behind the smile he was thinking back to events that had led them to this moment….

 _Takamichi stood with the other Hachiyo at the gates of Kyou to watch the return of the army from a successful campaign. The Ryuujin no Miko was practically hopping from foot to foot: Minamoto no Yorihisa had accompanied Tomomasa during the operation. He knew they had begun courting shortly before the army had left. "He will most likely be with Tomomasa-dono, Miko-dono."_

" _Hai, hai," she replied absent-mindedly, still trying to catch a glimpse of the man she loved. Her face suddenly took on a glow as her smile out-shown the sun. "There he is!" Then her expression changed, making Takamichi turn to see what caused her alarm._

" _Tomomasa!" His voice shocked to see Yorihisa's horse pulling a cart carrying the teal-haired general. He quickly made his way to the pair when the Ten no Seiryu stopped his horse behind the army caravan. He stopped short at seeing pain filled eyes barely open gazing at him. "What happened?"_

" _Nice to see you too, Takamichi," Tomomasa's strained voice replied. He gingerly moved to sit up and waved Yorihisa's forthcoming lecture away with his hand. "My horse threw me into a tree." He explained as he moved to sit at the cart's edge._

" _How did that happen? It is not like you…" Takamichi asked, noticing the white knuckle grip his partner had on the side of the vehicle._

" _I am fairly certain he has an aversion to being killed." Tomomasa began and gasped when he tried to stand. "I was engaged with an enemy soldier at the time and had let go of the reins. Next I knew I was connecting with a tree and there you have it." He finished as he finally stood, Yorihisa coming to his side to help as Takamichi stood on the other side of the injured Chi no Byakko._

" _Tell me you let a healer examine you, kudasai."_

" _I took him, Takamichi-dono." Yorihisa assured him. "He said Tomomasa-dono has a strained back and requires rest and careful movement. We all thought it best he not ride on the journey home."_

" _Hai," The subject of their discussion said sourly. "The general of the army should ride at the front of it not at the back of it in a litter." He grimaced both in pain and aggravation. "Where is my aide with the medicine?"_

 _Yorihisa's eyes took on a worried cast, "I do not think you should…."_

" _Don't presume to tell me what I need, Yorihisa!" Tomomasa's normally calm demeanor vanished, making heads turn. He sighed and closed his eyes. "Gomen ne, my back is hurting again." He explained. "I just want to take some of that blasted concoction, make my report to the Emperor and find a nice hot bath." He made his way slowly to his aide when he spied the man coming towards the group._

" _Yorihisa?" Akane asked, unsettled by her eldest protector's strange behavior._

" _Something is wrong with him and it is more than his back." Gold eyes met lavender._

" _He has been different since he sustained his injury." He looked down into his beloved's troubled eyes. "Iie, Akane. It is not his pride, but something else."_

 _They all turned when Tomomasa returned to the group, a smile on his face. "That should help," he told them. "I need to make my report to the council but you are free to go, Yorihisa. Domo arigato for your help, it was invaluable as always."_

" _The honor was mine." The two men bowed after which Tomomasa left saying he would see them all later._

" _That was fairly dramatic," the pink haired miko said. When her two companions looked at her she went on, "After he took the medicine, he was back to normal, well normal but different." She pondered._

" _Perhaps it is as he said: his back was hurting him." Yorihisa offered, though knowing deep down, but dreading it, that something was not right with his friend._

" _Iie," Takamichi agreed watching as his dearest friend made his way through the gathered crowd. "He has changed."_ And I do not like it, _Takamichi thought._

 _Two weeks later and Takamichi was convinced there was something definitely wrong with Tachibana no Tomomasa. It had been almost four weeks since the general had received his injury and it was not getting any better; he had even noticed the larger doses of the medication his friend was taking. The final evidence was when he had questioned his companion about the medication and his continuing need for it- Tomomasa was evasive then defensive and finally angry. "You are not my okaasan, Takamichi!"_

" _I am quite aware of that, Tomomasa," the green haired official moved to his friend's side at the casement in the army office. "Perhaps you should see Sensei. Your back is still troubling you and if that is so, then this medication is not working." He tried to gently coax Tomomasa to his way of thinking._

" _I think I know my own body." Teal eyes shone with anger. "You don't trust me, do you? You think I am lying?"_

" _I think nothing of the sort." The Vice Minister stood his ground. "I am just trying to help you. If you are in pain, any sort of pain, I share that. I want to help you."_

" _I do not need your help," Tomomasa took a menacing step and stopped, grimacing. "Aki! Where is that man?!" Anger and something else in his voice. "I need the next dose. Kuso!"_

 _Takamichi stood helplessly back as the man rushed in with a cup. He bowed quickly, making his escape. Takamichi noticed an immediate change in the army general as soon as Tomomasa had taken the so-called medicine: he calmed, sighed and then smiled, eyes closed as if taking in something very pleasurable. "Tomomasa?"_

" _Just go, Takamichi. I have things to do."_

 _The Ten no Byakko walked over to Tomomasa where he sat behind his desk, leaned over it, hands pressed to the surface. "This discussion is not over Tomomasa. I will have my answers." He then strode out, concern in each step. He heard footsteps coming quickly behind him and was startled when was forced to turn, coming eye to eye with Tomomasa. "I am going as you ordered."_

" _You will not turn away from me! How dare you speak to me in such a manner?!"_

" _How should I speak to you? You will not listen to reasonable ideas. You are acting like a spoiled child, Tomomasa-dono."_

 _The sound of skin meeting skin as Tomomasa slapped Takamichi reverberated through the halls of the army offices. Heads turned and then looked away. "Taka…I am…" Shocked teal eyes met golden ones as Takamichi lifted a hand to his cheek. "Honto ni, gomen nasai Takamichi."_

" _I believe the Tomomasa you used to be would have been sorry. The Tomomasa that stands before me, I am not so sure of." With those words, the young official walked away._

 _Several hours later, Takamichi looked at the assembled Hachiyo, minus Tomomasa, the Ryuujin no Miko and Fuji-hime also in attendance. "I have spoken to Sensei and he believes Tomomasa is in grave danger from this medication."_

" _What happened to your face?" Inori asked._

" _We had an argument."_

" _Tomomasa-dono hit you?!" Fuji-hime asked, surprise in her voice._

" _I provoked him."_

" _Are you all right, Takamichi-san?" Akane asked, concerned that any of her guardians would be arguing with each other._

" _Hai, Miko-dono, arigato. I had to know positively that something is not right with him. He would never have hit me if…."_

" _We all know he is not himself, Takamichi-dono." Eisen replied. "Tell us how we can help."_

" _Sensei told me we need to stop Tomomasa from taking any more of this medication."_

" _That will not be an easy task." Yasuaki stated. "Tomomasa is a very determined man."_

" _We will have to work together." Shimon said, trying to keep everyone's spirits up._

" _We shall have to." Tenma added. "If he is addicted, then he will have more motivation therefore more strength to stop us from helping him." He looked to Takamichi, "Don't worry, we'll help him."_

" _It will take all of us if we are to confront him." Yorihisa said flatly._

" _Hai," Takamichi agreed. "Here is what I thought to do….."_

 _Early the following morning, they gathered near the entrance to the Tachibana estate, the court physician with them, "I am not certain this course of action is wise, Takamichi-dono." The healer said, voicing his misgivings. "His condition is very possibly weakened due to the strain of his dependence."_

" _Hai, I will take great care." The young Vice Minister replied. "But I believe this may be the only way."_

" _Takamichi-dono," Yorihisa began, concern in his eyes. "You will be at a disadvantage with your tanto. Let me…."_

" _Iie, Yorihisa-san, but thank you in any case. It will be more affective if I confront Tomomasa-dono." Takamichi laid a gentle but strong hand on the samurai's broad shoulder. "You are not to blame for this. You could not have known the healer you took him to happened to be the one peddling this evil."_

 _Yorihisa shook his head, but stopped when Akane laid her tiny hand on his cheek, "He's right, you are not to blame, no one is but the man who gave this drug to Tomomasa-san and so many others." She tenderly grasped his leopard skin and tugged him down so she could press a kiss to his lips in comfort._

" _He's also correct in the assumption that he will be more successful in luring Tomomasa-san out." Shimon stated. "This plan will work more effectively if the person has a close relationship."_

" _We are here in support." Eisen added._

" _And in case you need reinforcements." Tenma said from his place, leaning against the gate post._

" _Arigato minna." Takamichi turned and entered Tomomasa's estate, the others following. As they grew closer to the main house they could all hear commotion and yelling. Everyone made it to the front steps when Tomomasa's head housekeeper came out, an apology in her eyes. "Kimiko-san?" Takamichi reached out to take her shaking hands in his._

" _Gomen ne, Takamichi-sama," she began, voice shaking much like her hands. "Tomomasa-sama is not feeling well this morning."_

" _He has not been feeling like himself for some time, ne?"_

 _The woman closed her eyes, "Hai, since he returned from the last conflict. He is getting worse and I do not know what to do." She said tearfully, looking into sympathetic, sun kissed eyes._

" _I am going to help him." The Ten no Byakko told her confidently. "No matter what happens, or what you hear, do not interfere with what is going to take place. This will help Tomomasa." He went up the steps and followed the sound of his partner's bellows. When he finally found his partner, shock tore through him at the normally well-kept army officer. Tomomasa now looked like he had been on army maneuvers for months-hair in a tangle, unkempt clothing and his eyes had a wild look to them. "Tomomasa…" He called out calmly._

" _Like what you see?" Teal eyes turned to him. "It must be nice to see me like this." He sneered._

" _You are not yourself."_

" _Oh? You do not like the new me?"_

" _Iie," Takamichi said emphatically, taking a step toward his friend. "I take no pleasure in how you are now."_

" _How I am now?" Fire lit in the teal eyes. "I am like I always am."_

" _Iie, this so-called medicine you have been taking has changed you. You are not yourself."_

" _I tell you I am perfectly fine." The disagreement was automatic. The army officer straightened to his full height. "There is nothing wrong with me."_

" _Then why do you still consume the medication? If you are fine, as you say, you should not need it." Takamichi moved closer to his friend. "Let me help you."_

" _I need no help, especially from you." Tomomasa reached out to take his companion's arm to show him out. "Leave, I do not need you here." The chokushi stopped when he spied the rest of the Hachiyo, the Ryuujin no Miko and the court healer watching the Byakko duo. "What is the meaning of this Takamichi?!" His grip tightened on the Vice Minister's arm._

" _We are here to help you, Tomomasa-dono," Eisen told him, hoping his calm voice would soothe the edgy man._

" _I have already said I need no help!"_

 _Akane, seeing Tomomasa's control hanging by a thread, stepped forward, "Calm down, onegai, Tomomasa-san. We are all concerned about you." She moved back when her eldest protector looked menacingly toward her._

" _Tomomasa-dono," was the soft warning from Yorihisa as he stepped in front of their pink haired charge._

" _Ah, Yorihisa, always so protective, I see." Teal eyes shone with Tomomasa's drug induced madness. "Do you really believe I would hurt her?"_

" _As you are now, I am not sure Tomomasa-dono." The blue haired samurai replied, setting his hand on the hilt of his sword._

" _Tomomasa," Takamichi called out, trying to deflect his partner's attention from the Miko. "We are here to help you. The medicine you have been taking is causing great harm to you."_

" _Harm to me?" The eldest Hachiyo turned to his younger counterpart. "I have never felt better."_

" _You do not look it, Tomomasa-san," Shimon replied. "In our world, there is a condition from which you are suffering from."_

 _The tall army officer stalked to the young Suzaku holder, "I am not suffering from anything other than meddling people!" Tomomasa's normal charming voice was replaced by one filled with anger and something more._

" _We only want to help you. You do not realize that you are ill." Eisen added._

" _I NEED NO HELP!" Teal hair flew around his head as Tomomasa whirled around. "How many times must I repeat myself?!"_

" _If you truly do not need our assistance, prove it." Takamichi's voice ran firm._

" _Prove it?" Tomomasa turned to him._

" _Hai," The Vice Minister moved to stand toe to toe with his partner, not cowering in the midst of the madness now firing in his friend's normally serene eyes. "If you can defeat me in single combat, we will leave you in peace."_

" _And if I do not?"_

" _Then you will follow Sensei's orders and allow us to help you."_

 _The Chi no Byakko started to chuckle which turned into full blown laughter, "Takamichi, you cannot be serious? I am far more skilled in swordsmanship and you will be at a disadvantage with a tanto."_

" _I am quite serious. If you are fine as you keep saying, duel with me." Gold eyes went hard with conviction._

" _As you wish," Tomomasa nodded slightly. He removed his outer kimono and entered his home. He returned shortly with his sword and his hair tied back. "I assume you wish this fight here and now."_

" _If it suits you." Takamichi answered as he removed his outer kimono and handed it to Akane. He drew his tanto and moved to stand across from his adversary. He nodded to his friends as they moved out of the way. "When you are ready." He addressed Tomomasa._

" _I hope you will not regret this," the army general said before he charged._

" _As I for you," Takamichi deflected the charge with his tanto, the sound of metal meeting metal ringing out in the early morning quiet. The duel commenced and each of the combatants were fierce in their determination; the vice minister was the first to draw blood, making a small cut on his partner's arm. It seemed to enrage Tomomasa even further and he fought like the demon everyone knew he could be in real battle. Golden eyes met teal, "Would you like to rest?"_

" _Iie!" The general charged once more. The swordfight continued for several minutes with each participant now wounded. Tomomasa's breathing was heavy, his chest moving like a bellows. "Would you like to concede?" He sneered at his young adversary._

 _Takamichi's head was full of the healer's warnings about keeping the fight short, the words of concern about Tomomasa's heart and the strain his dependence on the medication was putting on it. He studied the beloved face and noticed how pale it was, the sweat running down now almost sunken cheeks. "Perhaps you would like to do so?" He countered, hoping he could end this fight soon. The answer he received was a forceful attack that pushed him back; he was about to counter when Tomomasa dropped his sword and fell to his knees gasping. The young Ten no Byakko let go of his own weapon and dropped down next to his older partner. "Let us help you, onegaishimasu!" He begged. "You cannot go on like this," young but strong hands clasped trembling shoulders._

" _I…I am...fine." Tomomasa managed to haltingly say, holding a hand to his chest._

" _Tomomasa you are not fine." Takamichi shook his partner. "This duel is proof; you should not be so winded and yet you cannot catch your breath and you look ill."_

" _I tell you...I am fine." With those final words, the General of the Left Imperial Guard collapsed._

" _TOMOMASA!" Takamichi's normally calm voice rang out as he caught his life partner in his arms._

 _The healer moved swiftly to his side and examined the fallen army officer. "He is gone," was the quiet declaration as he sat back._

" _No, he cannot be." Takamichi argued, tears flooding his eyes._

" _The strain was too much."_

" _Move," Tenma ordered. The order was said with such confidence, the old court physician shifted away and watched as he and Shimon moved the chokushi onto his back and began to press the broad chest down and force air into the lungs. It was done in seconds but seemed like hours for everyone. Shortly, Tomomasa coughed and began to breathe on his own. The two teens moved away again and let Takamichi and the healer once again care for the eldest Hachiyo. Tenma stood before Akane and laid a gentle hand on her trembling shoulder. "He's going to make it." He smiled as she nodded wordlessly and rested against his Seiryu partner who wrapped an arm around her for comfort._

 _In short order, the healer and Takamichi had taken over and given orders that any medication remaining was to be disposed of and Tomomasa's rooms be cleaned and aired out. Tomomasa had been silently resting against his young colleague but when his retainers began to dispose of the so-called medicine he reared up. "Iie, Tomomasa-dono." Eisen said, reaching out to help the vice minister restrain him._

" _I need it." He argued._

 _Takamichi turned the trembling general around to face him, his stern golden eyes staring into hazy teal. "If you continue to take it, you will die. Do you want that?" When teal eyes closed and Tomomasa's body stopped resisting his hold, Takamichi knew he had won. "You will not be alone in this. Everyone is here to help you overcome this. Remember that."_

" _I hate you," was the whispered reply._

" _Tomomasa?"_

" _I HATE YOU!"_

Takamichi thoughts were brought back to the present when he heard a slight gasp come from his Byakko partner. He moved quickly to Tomomasa's side. "What do you need?" He asked, laying a tender hand on one broad shoulder. He saw the answer plainly in the general's eyes, "Iie, you cannot have that medicine."

"I hurt."

"I know; Sensei said you would have some after affects from the medication as it leaves your body; you will also feel the desire for the drug which you will have to resist. These symptoms will pass."

"And until then?" Tomomasa shuddered in pain.

"He left some tea that should help." The Vice Minister replied moving to the low table to pour a cup. He smiled when Tomomasa made a face as he took the cup and stared into the contents. "Tea for now is what you are allowed."

"I am not to be trusted, is that it?"

"Iie, you have our trust, you never lost it. For the next short while, what you do will be strictly monitored. Sensei says your recovery will be a long one and you will need to be ever vigilant."

"And if I do not?

"You will die." Takamichi stated plainly staring into teal eyes. "This is an outcome I am trying to avoid."

"I am not fond of that option either." Was the sardonic retort. He set the cup he was sipping from back on the table and wrapped his arms around himself. "Kami-sama, I have never felt worse." He moaned the last as aches ran through his body as it fought off the craving for the drug.

The green haired teen moved to sit behind Tomomasa and took him into his arms, coaxing the older man to rest against him. "The feeling will ease given time." He wrapped his arms tightly around his partner, pulling the now shivering oldest hachiyo close.

"I'm afraid." The admission barely heard.

"Of what?"

"Of never being me again, of not being able to find myself."

"You have won half the battle just not taking the drug; now is not the time to give up. You have so many who will help you, you've only to ask."

"And you, Takamichi?"

"You never have to ask me for anything." He answered, pressing a kiss to the top of Tomomasa's head. He could feel the tremors running through the general's strong, lithe body, knew from the physician the effects of withdrawal would not be pleasant for his partner. Finally feeling the tenseness leave the army officer's body, he prayed Tomomasa would not have to deal with these symptoms long.

 _ **Several Weeks Later…..**_

Takamichi had been summoned by the emperor and was now sitting in the ante room to the audience chamber. He was perplexed as to why he had been summoned away from his duties at the archives. He stood when a page called to him. He swiftly moved into the room and bowed before his king.

"Can you explain this letter, Takamichi?"

The leader held out a paper with what the Vice Minister recognized as Tomomasa's writing. He swallowed with difficulty at reading his partner's words. "Okami, I had no idea….Tomomasa-dono made no mention….."

"He gave no indication he was leaving? Leaving the army?!"

"He did not." Takamichi's mind was racing. The past weeks had been difficult for Tomomasa, the rest of the Hachiyo, the Ryuujin no Miko and Fuji-hime. The first days of weaning the Chi no Byakko were a test of everyone's strength. Tomomasa had been vilely ill and it had brought tears to Takamichi's golden eyes to see his lover suffering so. "If I can take my leave, I shall find him and settle the matter."

"You have it," the emperor sat back with a huff. He too, was anxious concerning his general's words. "Ne, Takamichi? Bring him back."

Green hair shifted as the young court official gave a brisk nod in affirmation and quickly departed. _I will return with him,_ he vowed.

Takamichi strode through the gates of the Tachibana estate and noticed the forlorn faces of Tomomasa's household staff. He quickly entered the residence in search of his partner. He went room by room until finally, Kimiko, the general's head housekeeper, laid a hand on his arm to stop his now frantic searching. "He is gone, Takamichi-sama." She told him tearfully.

"When?" He asked, catching his breath. "Where has he gone?"

"He left earlier this morning." Kimiko replied. "I do not know where he has gone. He thanked me for my service and left on foot. I tried….I tried to stop him….." The elderly woman broke down in tears.

Takamichi wrapped his arms around the woman he knew Tomomasa thought of as more than a servant, as did he. "He did not give any indication of his plans?" He asked leading her to the kitchens. He fetched her a cup of tea and sat before her.

"Iie," she began, sipping her tea. "He seemed to be more peaceful the past few days and I thought he had finally found his answers and then this morning he came to me and he told me he was leaving. I…."

Seeing the woman become distraught again, he took her hand in his. "I am sure you did what you could to stop him." He hugged her close; Kimiko was like a mother to the Byakko duo and it hurt his heart to see her suffering.

She sat back and dried her tears, "He left something for you in his rooms."

The young Vice Minister slid the door to Tomomasa's private rooms open and stood staring at the fan open on the low table, a folded paper laying next to it with his name written on it. His hand shook slightly as he opened the paper…..

 _My dear Takamichi,_

 _By now you know I have decided to leave Kyou. Please know this is not your fault, but my own. I_ _have utterly failed everyone in my weakness but most especially you. I thank you for your care_ _over the past weeks; I cannot even begin to repay you for your tender care the past years and I will_ _always cherish our time together. Please find the happiness I could not bring you for you deserve_ _it._

 _Yours,_

 _Tomomasa_

Takamichi sank to his knees, clutching the paper in his hands, tears filling his golden eyes. "You idiot!" He whispered harshly. With a look of determination, he wiped his eyes and rose. He called out for Kimiko. In short order, he ordered and had a horse saddled and another laden with supplies. He turned to the Tachibana staff, "I will return soon and with Tomomasa-dono." He then wheeled the horses around and set off in the direction Kimiko had indicated his partner had taken.

Several hours later, Takamichi finally spied a lone figure walking in the distance. He could see strands of teal hair escaping from the hat the person was wearing. He nudged his horse and quickly caught up. "Tomomasa," he whispered. Until now, he had been so afraid he would not find his partner.

The tall man stopped and sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I thought I made myself clear to Okami, Takamichi." He said in a defeated tone, not turning.

The green haired teen slipped from his horse and made his way to stand before his older friend. "You did, but not to me." He lifted a finger to the brim of the hat, tilting it up. "Not to me." He repeated when he met teal eyes with his sun-kissed ones.

"Could you not leave well enough alone?" Tomomasa replied, pulling away.

"Not where you are concerned."

"I left you a note." The elder Byakko holder moved to the shade of a large tree and reached up to remove his head covering, leaving his long, wavy teal locks to tumble about his broad shoulders.

"Hai, it said very little." He replied, moving to rest against the tree next to his partner. The two were silent for several minutes but Takamichi could feel the uncertainty roll off his lover in waves he could almost touch. "You seemed much better the past few days, what brought this on?" He asked turning to face Tomomasa.

"I was feeling better," was the soft admittance.

"But…?" Takamichi prodded.

Tomomasa slid down until he was sitting. "I started thinking of what has happened, of everyone I let down…"

The young court official knelt before his despondent friend. "You have not let anyone down, please do not think you have." He said laying a tender hand on a muscular arm. "If anyone has been let down, it is you."

"Me?"

"Hai, the medical community, the army, the court and even me."

"You?! What are you talking about?!"

"If I had been more diligent in my reading of the investigations coming in, I may have been able to foresee the introduction of the drug and the ill effects that followed."

"You are not a mind reader and no one can see the future."

"I think Abe no Seimei would disagree with you." Takamichi argued with a small smile.

"Very funny," was the sour reply. "You know what I meant."

"Hai, I do. But we cannot go back and change what has passed. We can only move on and deal with what has transpired."

"And just how long will I have to deal with this feeling?" Tomomasa lay his head back against the tree and closed his eyes in defeat.

"What are you feeling? Tell me." Takamichi moved closer to the general. "I am here for you. I am always here for you."

Troubled teal eyes opened, shocking Takamichi with its saddened depths. "I am lost."

"Lost?" The bespectacled young man laid a hand on a bent and raised knee.

"I…" The smoothness of Tomomasa's voice no longer evident. "I used to be sure of who I was. Everyone thought me strong and undefeatable and yet I was crushed by a simple concoction."

"Not so simple." Takamichi moved to rest his hands along the striking cheeks of his elder partner. "The medication took so many lives. So many that were just as strong as you are…No," he refuted upon seeing Tomomasa's argument in the teal eyes. "No, you are strong. You alone survived." He willed his own strength into the army officer.

Tomomasa looked stunned, "I am the only…?"

"Hai. So you see, you are still strong. You only have to find that strength within yourself where others already see it." He said with a small smile.

"I am not sure I can." The admittance whispered into the breeze.

"What are you really afraid of? You can tell me."

Tomomasa looked down at the hands clasping his own and finally twined their fingers together. "That I will fail you again."

"Tomomasa…"

"Listen, kudasai." He closed his eyes, concentrating on his thoughts. "This event has made me realize I have weaknesses, weaknesses that can be exploited by our enemies."

Golden eyes closed briefly and then opened, renewed fight in them. "We all have weaknesses, Tomomasa. You know I have a weakness regarding how to fight our enemies and how to treat those we defeat. That is why we work as a team. We balance each other out. All of us-look at Yorihisa-san and Tenma-dono, Yasuaki and Eisen and even Shimon and Inori. Each Hachiyo partner balances the other. We are two halves of a whole. None of us believe you are a liability to us. _ **None of us.**_ " He repeated vehemently, hoping the words and emotion would sink in to Tomomasa's damaged psyche.

Tears slipped down Tomomasa's striking face, "I just don't know, Takamichi. I am so confused."

The Vice Minister moved to take his lover into his arms, needing to comfort and to receive comfort of his own. "Hai, I know, hence your actions of this morning." He felt the eldest Hachiyo rest fully against him. "That was a most rash action; you have upset quite a few people." He said, pressing a kiss to the top of the thick, teal hair.

"Was he very angry with me?"

"He is worried." Takamichi replied. "He is not only Okami, but your very good friend. He is not the only one you upset." When Tomomasa raised his head, Takamichi soothed the tears away. "Kimiko was beside herself."

"I have a lot to apologize for, ne?"

"There will be time enough for that." Takamichi looked at their surroundings. "Where were you planning on going?" He finally asked.

"I thought to wander."

"In search of what exactly?"

"Myself."

Just then an idea struck the younger Byakko possessor, finally recognizing where they were. "I have a thought," he said getting to his feet. "Come with me." He ordered, holding out his hand to help Tomomasa to his own feet. The two went back to the horses and mounted; after riding for a while, Takamichi guided them off the path and into the woods.

"Where are we going?" Tomomasa asked, ducking a low branch.

"Trust me." It was several more minutes before they could hear their destination. "I have heard about this place from Eisen. He said it is a place where people go to cleanse and purify themselves-a place to find peace and answers." Takamichi explained as they entered a clearing which at one end held a waterfall. He dismounted and helped Tomomasa do the same. "Perhaps you can find some answers here." He said, laying a tender hand against his partner's face.

Tomomasa could feel the coolness of the air and knew the water would be extremely cold. "And what exactly am I to do?" He asked watching Takamichi unsaddle the horse.

"Eisen-sama tells me you are to sit underneath the water."

"I hope you have something to ward off the water." The general said as he helped his younger counterpart unload the pack horse.

"Iie, you are to sit unclothed."

"You must be joking!"

"I am not; Eisen-sama says the cold will clear your mind and purge unpleasant thoughts." He looked at Tomomasa and laughed. "It could not hurt and it may help you."

"Help me? How? By making me ill?" Tomomasa walked away, carrying supplies. "I am still dealing with the after affects from the withdrawal and you want me to sit under freezing water?!"

"I am not stupid enough to risk your health." Takamichi countered as he moved to gather firewood. "I will make a nice fire and we will camp here for the night. You can undertake your….dunking….tomorrow." He said, trying to keep a straight face knowing of how much Tomomasa hated extreme heat or cold.

Midmorning the following day saw Tomomasa shed his garments as Takamichi stoked the fire/ "Just how long must I remain?"

Takamichi looked up from the embers and his breath hitch-Tomomasa's naked form always took his breath away even now with the weight loss, the Chokushi's body was a work of art. "You will know."

"Hmph." Tomomasa resumed the walk towards the falling water. "Takamichi?"

"Hai?" The Vice Minister had seated himself close by with a book.

"What if I cannot find my answers?" The question sounded timid and full of fear.

"What if you do?"

"I am so…." Tomomasa shook his head in frustration.

"I know you are still confused and afraid that you will never feel right again." The soft spoken reply was made as Takamichi rose and made his way to his anxious companion. "Just know no matter what happens, I will always remain by you." He finished pressing a kiss to Tomomasa's lips. "Try and relax, let things flow from you, to you, clear your mind, ne?"

Takamichi retook his place and picked up his discarded book. He laughed when he heard Tomomasa's yell and curses as his partner took his place beneath the falling, icy water. He lost track of time as he read and when he realized how much time had passed with no reappearance of his lover, Takamichi set his volume down and made his way down to the bottom of the falls. He saw a motionless Tomomasa sitting, eyes closed with a look of peace on his handsome face. "Tomomasa?" He called out. When he received no reply, he called out louder-still no reply. He sighed and resigned himself to getting wet. After setting aside his own clothing and glasses, he made his way out to Tomomasa, shivering the whole way. He knelt, laying a hand on his friend's broad shoulder and gently shook him. He was finally rewarded when bright teal eyes opened slowly. "Are you alright?" he asked over the roar of the falls.

Tomomasa nodded," Enjoying the soaking?" he asked, mirth in his smooth voice.

Sun-kissed eyes narrowed, "Did you ignore me just so I would come out to you?"

"Not at first; I did not hear you call out. But this is an interesting look for you." Tomomasa laughed, taking in his naked lover, covered in goose bumps from the icy water.

Takamichi smiled, his partner's laughter was the most wondrous sound after so many weeks of difficulty and suffering. "I think you have been here long enough for now. I have the fire burning high and a meal almost ready."

Tomomasa moved to rise but could not; he laughed to himself. "I need some help. I cannot feel my legs."

Takamichi laughed as well and helped Tomomasa; it took several minutes to leave the waterfall and make it back to their camp. When they finally arrived, the younger handed the elder a cloth to dry off with and clean clothing. "Sit by the fire and I will get you some tea."

After the evening meal, Takamichi was concerned-Tomomasa had been quiet after leaving the water and wondered if he felt ill. "Are you feeling well?"

Tomomasa looked up from his study of the fire, "I am fine, Takamichi." He smiled over the flames.

"You have been quiet since we came back."

The general patted the place next to him and was happy when the vice minister moved to sit beside him. "I have been thinking."

"Of what?" Takamichi leaned up against his friend. The weeks of worry beginning to take its toll and he could feel exhaustion flowing over him.

"Nothing and everything." He replied as he stripped a piece of wood of it's bark and tossed it in the fire.

"I do not understand."

"My mind is clear again. I can look back at what's happened and be objective. I am also thinking of everyone I have hurt. I have done so many a disservice."

"None of us think that. We all only want you to feel better." Was the sleepy reply.

Tomomasa glanced down at the green hair covering his shoulder; he pressed a kiss to the top of his lover's head. "Aishiteru, Takamichi. Thanks to you and the others, I think I finally do."

 _ **Many Days Later**_

"Okami, I beg the favor of your benevolence concerning my absence." Tomomasa's voice was soft as he was in a deep bow to the emperor.

"Get up, Tachibana no Tomomasa-Shoushou-dono." The reply came. When his general stood tall before him the ruler went on. "What were you thinking? I did not want that of you."

"Hai, Okami." Tomomasa bowed again.

"Will you quit that," the young king said. "We are alone; there is no need for your subservience. We are friends, are we not?" When Tomomasa nodded, the young monarch looked him over. "You are looking much better, more like yourself. Are you well?"

"I am better, arigatou."

"You had everyone worried, you know."

"I know," was the soft reply. He had yet to see the Ryuujin no Miko and Fuji-hime's household but upon his return to his own estate, he had been engulfed by Kimiko and her tears. He had given his word that he would not leave again for what he thought of as the good of everyone else.

"You are not to blame for what has transpired."

"I am beginning to believe that."

"Good." The emperor came to stand in front of his friend and laid his hands on Tomomasa's broad shoulders. "It pleases me to see you again. You are not to wander off again. You brought my court to a standstill." He said with a smile.

"Gomen nasai."

"Iie, sometimes court needs to be shaken a bit." He laughed. "Are you settled back in?"

"Hai, though it will be a long task to truly overcome this." Tomomasa replied as he and the sovereign began strolling through the private gardens.

"That is what Sensei has told me. If you need anything, you have only to ask, Tomomasa." When his general only nodded, head bent, the emperor pulled him into an embrace. "I am so happy you are back."

Takamichi followed his Byakko partner as they made their way to Fuji-hime's estate. "Okami was glad to see you?"

"Hai," Tomomasa replied as he slowed his pace and finally stopped.

"What is it?" The vice minister laid his hand on his companion's forearm.

"I am afraid." The eldest Hachiyo admitted.

"Of what the others will think or say?" When the teal haired head nodded, Takamichi sighed. They had gone over this issue many times and now they stood on the threshold of finally knowing. "I have tried to convince you they are not angry with you. Only relieved that you are safe and finally making peace with what has transpired."

"I know you have told me numerous times, but I cannot help but feel the way I do. I have let them all down."

"And I will tell you again, you have done nothing of the sort." He looked into now haunted teal eyes. "I suppose seeing them is the only way to allay your fears." Takamichi took Tomomasa's hand and pulled him along onto the grounds of Fuji-hime's estate. He could feel the general's resistance and stopped to turn to him. "They are your friends, Tomomasa. There is nothing to fear from them."

"I…." Tomomasa could not finish his thought as he heard running footsteps and then Akane flung herself at him, hugging him tightly. "Akane-dono?" He asked softly, hearing her crying softly, her head buried in his chest.

"I thought I….we would never see you again."

"Gomen nasai," Tomomasa looked up as the others came up to them. He looked to Yorihisa whom he knew to be courting Akane. The tall samurai just shrugged. At this, Tomomasa wrapped his arms gently around their pink-haired charge. "I am truly sorry for worrying you.

"You should be," Akane replied, taking her small fist and hitting her eldest protector gently on the chest. "Don't ever do it again." She finally sniffed and lifted her head. Emerald eyes looked into peaceful teal ones. "How are you really?"

Tomomasa looked to his Hachiyo brothers, "I am better."

"You are looking much better, Tomomasa-san." Shimon stated.

"Arigatou."

"Tomomasa-dono?" The diminutive princess stepped up to him, scrutinizing him. "You are looking more like yourself again."

"I am feeling like myself again." He replied with a smile.

"The evening meal will be served shortly, come inside." Fuji-hime announced.

As they walked to the main house, the other Hachiyo had words with Tomomasa and none were of blame. They were all happy to have their eldest back amongst them.

"See, I told you Tomomasa would be fine," Tenma said to Shimon and Inori as Tomomasa, Takamichi, Yorihisa, Yasuaki and Eisen followed.

"It is truly good to see you happy again, Tomomasa-dono." The prince turned monk said.

"Your struggle continues." Yasuaki stated flatly.

"Yasuaki-dono!" Eisen cried.

"Iie, he is correct. Sensei says I will be dealing with this for some time, but I am better." Tomomasa clarified as the group came to the steps where they shed their footwear.

"You are looking it." Yorihisa added as he too shed his boots and entered the house.

As the others made their way into home, Tomomasa looked up at the stars. Takamichi turned back from where he stood at the top of the stairs, "Tomomasa?"

"Heki desu, just thinking it is good to be here." He turned his head to look at his lover.

"You belong here-with us-with me." Takamichi held out his hand and smiled when Tomomasa stepped up and took it in his firm, warm hand. "We are your family, ne?"

"Hai," Tomomasa's throat tightened with emotion.

"Takamichi-san? Tomomasa-san? We are waiting." The Ryuujin no Miko's voice called out.

"Hai, we are coming." Takamichi replied. "You still have weight to regain." He told his lover, laying a hand over Tomomasa's trim stomach.

"Sake." Tomomasa smiled. "Sake would be a great start to that regimen."

Takamichi dropped his head into an open hand, "Ugh, you are back." He groaned and then smiled. "Let us see what Fuji-hime's cooks have for us," he finished pushing Tomomasa through the doorway and into the melee of their 'family's' mealtime.

Tomomasa looked in on the semi-chaotic assemblage. "It is good to be here." He smiled.

FIN


End file.
